The Great Plumbing Adventure of 2010

There are many things in this world that I don't know enough about; for example, basic geometry, boning a duck, staking tomatoes, quantum physics, Scrabble words, ethnic conflict in Eastern Europe, and...the mechanics of bathroom plumbing. So when I got up the other morning to find the toilet clogged (mysteriously, but sometimes weird things happen with the sewer since we're on the first floor) I did what I know to do--test flush, plunge, flush, which resulted in the water rising ominously...rising, rising, rising, overflowing! I went through my general stages of dealing with a crisis, abbreviated as LP3CL.

Lecturing inanimate objects: "Stop it! Do you hear me? STOP IT."
Pleading: "Oh, please stop it. C'mon, you are a wonderful toilet normally, let's not get a bad reputation." [note: this was idle flattery--it is NOT a good toilet; the handle always falls off.]
Creative swearing: [you'll have to use your imagination, since this is a family friendly blog. Keep in mind that I have a good arsenal from watching football with my flatmates.]
Calling my father: 3 times. He is a helpful advice giver, but that doesn't help when the valve to turn off the water is rusted shut. Fortunately, he is also an early riser.
Creative problem solving: tie up that ball-thingy in the tank to the wall with dental floss, which stops the water from running.
Laugh: my life is generally a series of farcical situations, and this was no exception. As some of you may know, I don't technically have a bed here, so I (usually) sleep on an air mattress, and my mattress picked the night before Plumbing Armageddon to deflate. So I was not looking or feeling my best, especially considering the fact that I am never that alert when I first wake up. Mostly this just made me giggle.

The next step was to assess the damage. A lot of water, in this case, which I mopped up quickly and bailed out. I went to harass my upstairs neighbors (who are related to our landlord, and take care of immediate problems). It is a 3 generation family up there, and the father (as opposed to the grandfather or daughter) is the one who is kind of in charge of the place. He speaks mostly Bangla, so we did some extensive hand gesturing (I had a good one for "plunging," he got in a good one for "floods".) He said, "ok, I'll call him," which I assumed meant the plumber. I emailed the museum to say I would not be in, and hunkered down to wait.

Instead of the plumber, he actually called the landlord, and something got lost in translation, because he called my roommate and told her that the apartment was flooded (which has happened before.) She took a cab home from work, and after calming down, we called my cousin (the other roommate) so assure her that all was well. The landlord called the plumber.

I waited for the plumber. He arrived, was misogynistic (definite vibe that young women didn't know anything about plumbing, which in this case was sadly true) but fairly nice. And he fixed it, with one of those metal snakes, so that is fine with me. He also checked the sewer and we got the all clear. We went upstairs for him to get paid, but it was prayer-time, so the plumber came out and sat on the sidewalk in front of the apartment on a crate, and when I asked him if he wanted anything to eat or drink, he said he was just going to "soak up the rays." He was paid, I mopped, my cousin called to see why she had multiple missed calls from us, and all went back to normal.

Lessons learned?
--When you get older you have to deal with grown up stuff like plumbing and taxes. It's not necessarily a bad thing, and if you're me at least, you're going to have some help.
--Having a landlord usually means you don't have to pay for repairs, which is nice.
--Rosemary Clooney is good music to listen to while mopping. I think I heard "Mambo Italiano" about 12 times at high volume.
--I am really dependent on modern conveniences.
--Make sure you have dental floss on hand, not just for tooth health but for minor household repairs.
--Try not to flood your bathroom on Earth Day. Your friends will never let you live down the water-wasting.
--It is a lot healthier if you can laugh about this stuff.
--My bathroom is fixed!